There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. ‘Tom, I’d like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.’ These days, Trajedi.
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
Electricity is really just organized lighting.
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: ‘I’m such a klutz!’ But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend – I didn’t bother with him.
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
My mother would say, ‘Why are you always playing alone?’ And I would say, ‘I’m not playin’, Ma. I’m fuckin’ serious!
And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
I don’t have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
Always do whatever’s next.
Twat is twat and that is that.