Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ‘27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.