This Tony Haywire guy, whatever his name is, he told the BBC on Sunday that he believes the new oil cap that they’ve installed will eventually capture the vast majority of oil spewing from the well. You know, if they could capture half the BS spewing from Tony Hayward, people would be thrilled.
BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20.
The latest report is that Osama bin Laden has shaved his beard, is wearing Western clothes and has had plastic surgery. Isn’t that amazing? The guy has made just two videos and he’s already gone Hollywood.
According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay.
More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it’s only one 72-year-old virgin.
Osama bin Laden has hired 10 look-alikes. Now, how hard up do you have to be before you take that job? There’s no way to win! If Osama dies, you don’t get paid. If you’re found, you get killed.
You know what the bounty is on bin Laden? $25 million. It sounds like a lot until you realize the Texas Rangers paid $250 million to get Alex Rodriguez.
One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great because we can arrange that. We’ll set them up with death, we’ll continue living.
I went to see that movie ‘From Hell,’ or as Osama bin Laden calls it – ‘Roots.’
The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden’s financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand. How good can he be? his top client is living in a cave and driving a donkey. It doesn’t sound like he is getting the best return on his investments to me.
Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed.
How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes.
Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn’t get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has.
It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: ‘Yes I Did.’
California Governor Gray Davis visited an elementary school here in Los Angeles where he taught a class. I don’t want to say he was unpopular but the kids gave him a wedgie and stuffed him in a locker.
I don’t want to say Gray Davis is on the run, but today he released an audiotape on the Al Jazeera network from his underground bunker somewhere in the Sacramento area.
According to today’s Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and even Democrats. Say what you want about the guy but he’s a uniter!
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade Iraq, the whole place is oil and cash. It’s like Republican Disneyland.
Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can’t vote again. It’s a flawless system. It works perfectly unless, of course, someone has paint remover.
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we’ll try it in New Orleans.