Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night’s Democratic debate.
Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn’t tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn’t tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn’t tell the difference.
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they’d be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
The Senate voted 97-0 for an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying things you get on your computer. The senators made it very clear that when you start misleading the American people and start taking their money over false promises, that’s our turf, buddy!
I feel bad for people who die on Valentine’s Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?
The car was the iPhone of the 20th century. Kids these days don’t have to drive anymore. They just go there virtually.
Anybody who gives their car to a valet isn’t a car guy.
If there isn’t a parking space out front or I can’t see my car from the window, we’re eating somewhere else.
Regulations force people to do better.
When you work with your hands, you learn to appreciate how easy it is to earn money talking.
Show business is like Champagne. You’ll appreciate it more if you don’t drink it everyday.
When you fix something with your hands it gives you a sense of accomplishment and a sense of self worth.
If I have one advantage, it’s that I will try to work harder than the next guy.
The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
The worst thing about losing this job: I’m no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare.
It’s casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they’re casually going through everybody’s phone calls and records.
Fox News has changed its slogan from ‘Fair and Balanced’ to ‘See, I told you so!’
Really? Anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can’t even keep Joe Biden in line.
In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn’t it? It’s over! Apparently we surrendered!
I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go.