When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, ‘I never heard of him, but then again, I don’t listen to that rap.’
A student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison spent 90 days technology free. He went without a cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, or any social media of any kind. And you know what really improved? His driving!
San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, ‘Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.’
Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.
Women get a little more excited about New Year’s Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he’d be a big star.
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Wikipedia was offline after an overheating problem at one of its data centers. It was pretty bad. For a while there, people had nowhere to go for phony, inaccurate information.
Starbuck’s is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck’s price.
You know what I’m doing for Easter? I’m gonna be hanging with my Peeps.
The economy is so bad that bedbugs are now infesting sleeping bags and tents, because they can’t afford to stay in hotels anymore.
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they’re not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn’t paying attention.
Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we’ve been waiting for: “Former president George Bush”.
French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly.
Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men’s soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.
Usain Bolt won the gold for the men’s 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he has been running since he was in elementary school – kind of like Mitt Romney.
The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.
Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform.
The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.
Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp.