Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.
55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for up to 3-4 minutes a time!
According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn’t.
Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule. They say it will be dug up in 50 years – or when the last person in line at Space Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first.
President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn’t want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn’t upset about the high price of gas.
The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code – they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn’t know what happened. One minute she was concentrating on the big white line, and the next, boom!
There is a video out now on how to please men. Here’s tip number 1: Just show up!
President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He’s going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he’s back in the National Guard.
The Stock Market was down today. Two major businesses declared bankruptcy, consumer spending is at an all time low – in other words, Bush is back on the job.
President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It’s about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida.
The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans...
The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden’s sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That’s going to happen when you sleep in a different cave every night.
According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it’s simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.
There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy’s head who wears Bounty on his head.
What’s going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don’t want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now, a lot of fans are painting their faces just so they won’t be recognized.
US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I’m no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating, try putting a little less food in the bowl. Do we really need to give him a pill? Is the dog taking your car keys and driving to McDonalds?
President Bush said he was ‘troubled’ by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we’re choosing a president, then he prefers judges.
Some sad news, President Bush’s lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn’t even know Tony Blair was sick?