The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can postpone our next invasion of a Middle Eastern country for two to three years.
As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It’s about gasoline.
According to a survey in this week’s Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.
You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she’s eating for one.
How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?
Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the ‘Wizard of Oz’ ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain.
A Christmas tree – the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy – he’s one of their own.
CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it – they’re the ones falling down the most.
Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that’s why they never hit any home runs. It’s a safety issue.
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
I didn’t realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for ‘Running off to Canada.’
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we’re doing anonymously.
My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they’re all lining up.
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow ‘Operation Re-elect Bush’ doesn’t seem to be popular.