I love all these politicians, they all say the same thing – ‘We’ll give California back to the people.’ Yeah, great, now that it’s not worth anything, they want to give it back to us.
Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning for Davis, Bill is out here for Larry Flynt.
When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you know what’s really scary? Most of them don’t know the first thing about driving a state into bankruptcy. They’re not experts like Governor Gray Davis.
Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him over the top.
Dean is a doctor but he acts more like a postal worker!
It seems that researchers at Colorado University say wine may help people lose weight. It’s not the wine directly that causes the weight loss, it’s all the walking around you do trying to find your car.
I’m sure you know by now, Jesse Jackson was overheard saying, and I’ll put this more delicately, that he wanted to cut Barack Obama’s testicles off. And Jesse has been on several news programs the last couple of days, explaining what he meant by those comments. Do you need to explain that?
Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their love child.
There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad.
Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two of the women in the other cars are now pregnant.
Jesse Jackson’s wife was arrested in Puerto Rico while protesting the naval bombings there. Jesse said he was holding a meeting with four of his secretaries to decide what to do and that these meetings could run well into the night.
I guess we didn’t even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, ‘An apology is not a sign of weakness.’ And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn’t even a sign you’re sorry.
Jesse Jackson’s in trouble. They’re going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.
Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah!
Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can’t claim his voice wasn’t heard.
Dean’s wife, Judith Steinberg, made a rare appearance with Dean. She’s a doctor, so I guess they brought her in to stop the hemorrhaging.
Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean’s crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won’t campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: ‘Aaghhhh.’
There was also talk of bringing Al Gore to California to help out, but there was concern that Gray Davis and Al Gore in the same state would cause some kind of rolling personality blackout.
I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went ‘Booo! Booo!’ and was throwing stuff. I had to say ‘Governor Davis just shut up and sit down!’
BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20.