If you break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You might be a redneck if you’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, ‘holds 6-12 pounds’ they’re not kidding!
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they’ll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I’ve been yelled at by everyone in the family.
The things that I’m talking about not knowing, they’re not mysteries of the universe; it’s just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you’ve got AN IDIOT!
If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
You can call us rednecks if you want. We’re not offended, ’cause we know what we’re all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
I’ll just have itchy, watery eyes!
We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists.