You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah Bubba’s barn...
You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.
Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they’re talking about, let’s do that.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.
I’ve got nothing against tattoos. I don’t have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife’s birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don’t let Ron White drive your car again.