You might be a redneck if you’ve ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.
You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.
You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.
I’m having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, Is that y’all’s piano? I said, No, that’s our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here’s Your Sign.
You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
You find out that all this stuff you’ve accumulated, you could care less about it. It’s just the relationships that matter.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
If your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.
Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that’s been driven that hard by that many people, you really don’t want to put your key in it.
You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don’t really ask too much about what you’re eating.
Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.