In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do it. Still think she’s not qualified to be President?
After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in its bread that is also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, ‘You mean I’ve been eating a dangerous chemical?’ While most people were like, ‘You mean I can eat my yoga mat?’
There’s a growing trend of older Americans who are using marijuana in their retirement. That makes sense because old people are always talking about their joints.
The Senate has passed a new bill that requires TV stations to lower the volume level on commercials. This is great, a hundred of the most powerful people in the nation have managed to do the same thing my remote does.
Ten Delta Airlines baggage handlers were arrested for smuggling drugs into Detroit. Yeah, you can tell Delta was involved, because the drugs were supposed to be smuggled into Chicago.
Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial.
Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don’t worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.
There couldn’t have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It’s beyond baseball. It’s rooting for your family.
It’s all about the script. Reality is key to me and less cutesy.
Thank you ‘adults who wear back packs’ for letting me know that I don’t have to take you seriously.
A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage.
Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.
Christine O’Donnell released a commercial in which she says, ‘I’m not a witch.’ That’s pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent’s slogan, ‘I’m not Christine O’Donnell.’
You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse.
A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the math team, the abstinence takes care of itself.
This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world’s oldest newlyweds. They’re registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.
A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.
The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they’re all going to be driven by aliens.