Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that President Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama would’ve responded but he was busy drafting his new ‘mandatory Mexican gay weed’ bill.
Time magazine interviewed Bill Clinton about the current presidential campaign, and he claimed he had to ask Hillary to marry him three times before she said yes. Then Hillary was like, ‘Yeah. That wasn’t me.’
In a speech in Texas, Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton ‘easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of our country.’ When asked what he based that on, Trump said, ‘I heard ME say it just now. So it’s gotta be true.’
In several speeches and interviews, Donald Trump has brought up his book ‘The Art of the Deal,’ and said that Obama would have negotiated a better deal with Iran if he had read it. It got even more awkward for Obama when Iran was like, ‘It worked for us – you guys got screwed!’
I saw that Donald Trump is selling his penthouse suite at the Trump Park Avenue building here in New York City for $21 million. When asked why he’s selling it now, Trump said ‘Hey, Americans seem to be buying everything else I’m selling, so why not strike while the iron’s hot.’
It seems like everybody’s weighing in on Trumps campaign – even Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. He said that Trump is ‘probably the best thing to happen to politics in a long, long time.’ Then Trump was like, ‘Well, at least one Cuban loves me.’
In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun.
This week, Georgia’s board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word Evolution when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called Jesus Horses.
There are reports that French President Francois Hollande had an affair with an actress who is 18 years younger than him. It’s pretty serious. Under French law, he could face up to 30 high fives.
A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.
President Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison yesterday. Obama said it was a good chance to talk about prison reform, and to catch up with so many former congressmen.
Over on the Democratic side, Martin O’Malley recently spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said that he isn’t running for president to be quote, ‘wined and dined’ by executives. Then Chris Christie said, ‘And I am also not running to be wined.’
In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We’re all tied with presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee.
Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you’re keeping score, that’s robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.
Donald Trump’s campaign has raised about $100,000 in donations during the second quarter. Which raises an important question: Who is giving Donald Trump money? That’s like giving your money to a pile of money.
In a recent interview, John McCain addressed Trump’s campaign rally in Arizona and said that he just quote, ‘fired up the crazies.’ Not to be confused with Trump’s show ‘Celebrity Apprentice,’ where he just FIRED the crazies.
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In response, President Obama was like, ‘Yeah, that’s how families work.’
Regis Philbin’s back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.’ But because of Obama’s tax plan, it’s been re-titled ‘Who Wants To Win Just Under $250,000.’
Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse is not where you get to fire people.
President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs, and they were like, ‘Oh, you’ll see.’