Here’s how my brain works: It’s stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.
If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you.
I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.
I do feel a lot of times like I’m out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is.
I love comedians. They’re my community.
I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.
I’m not sure why I’m so often disgusting on stage. I don’t always know where it comes from.
Expensive quality work doesn’t cost more – it pays.
People don’t talk to me on airplanes.
Some entertainers don’t pay attention to what’s going on around them.
To me, it’s very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it’s not me.
When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don’t get any sleep.
You have to be aware of who you’re talking to in an audience.
I think I’m past any window where I’m suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, ‘Oh, my God, what happened to you?’
When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, ‘This is just dumb.’
I’m not raising the children-I’m raising the grown-ups that they’re going to be.
There’s no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.
People say, ‘My phone sucks.’ No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning.
Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head.