Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.
If you have something to say, here’s what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out in the lobby, and then you go home and you kill yourself.
You know what, it’s not your life, it’s life. Life is bigger than you, if you can imagine that. Life isn’t something that you possess, it’s something that you take part in and witness.
When I got divorced, I thought ‘Well, there goes my act.’
I don’t have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.
Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.
I’ve started to kind of hate people, and it’s not because I have anything against them. It’s just, I enjoy it. It’s recreation.
You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.
Look at all the minorities around here! I’m the only majority.
The ability to just sit there. That’s being a person.
I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them – that’s just the way I am they make me feel good about who I am.
You’re a tourist in sexual perversion. I’m a prisoner there.
I’ve met a lot of people who’ve lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.
You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.
Life is full of horrible mistakes.
When you’re a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother’s assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.
If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.
You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They’re mean, man. They’re cold and very cool-oriented.
You can’t direct without a good crew.
I was an awkward kid.