Don’t fall into the trap of thinking about politics in your workplace too much. Just work hard, be cheerful, ignore distractions.
Later, when you’re grown up, you realize you never really get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that’s it.
So I’m into men now, even though they can be frightening. I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying, non-Velcro-shoe-wearing man.
You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge is living well. I say it’s acid in the face – who will love them now?
Your fear that your parents will actually kill you for dropping out of college is something that I think a lot of children of immigrants would maybe relate to.
The chorus of “Jack and Diane” is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.
I think as humans, no one remembers their successes, everyone just remembers their failures.
I love talking about clothes with women; it’s like a code because women dress for women.
I have such a rich fantasy life, I can’t help it. I do make up a lot of romantic stories in my head.
I would be the first to admit that I have incredibly high, ambitious standards for my life and my career, and I’ve had those my entire life. It’s something that was just instilled in me by my parents.
As my mom has said, when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet.
I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.
Sometimes I eavesdrop on people. I could rationalize it – oh, this is good anthropological research for characters I’m writing – but it’s basically just nosiness. It also helps me gauge where I’m at: Am I normal?
I have never regretted erring on the side of withholding information.
Anyone who’s lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change – as anyone would change.
There’s the psychotic ambitious side of myself that wants a fashion line and my own network and be like a combination of Oprah and Gwen Stefani. And have a perfume. Definitely a perfume.
Twitter is the most amazing medium for a comedy writer. I can’t get in every idea I want on the show no matter how hard I try to bully the other writers, so it’s a way of me getting out other comic ideas and immediately getting feedback.
I’m a smart enough person to know that I don’t want everyone to be cookie-cutter versions of the nine guys who wear Converse sneakers.
My mom always used to say, “You can’t say I love you before you can say I.” And I think that sort of makes sense.
I have crushes on celebrities or people I meet or see in the coffee shop, and every day I fall in love with three people simply because they said one funny thing or appeared to me in a certain way.