I try to tell people to keep having hope. It’s always what you don’t know and don’t expect that’s gonna be so great.
Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.
Somewhere within the concept of justice, the worst of the guilty must always be removed. I cannot divorce this, not completely. The people must have justice and so I want to reinstate and enshrine the blessed and holy guillotine!
Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn’t that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother’s Day.
Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.
I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They call God he instead of she and all three would like to burn me at the stake for saying that!
Abortion is a woman’s right.
Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.
Don’t call people names you dirty name caller you.
I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.
Everything that’s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to stop it.
Eating cookies that you bake with your grandmother is one of the greatest social steps one must experience in order to grow up into a decent world citizen, in my opinion.
Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error...
We never get sick of each other. That’s how sick we are.
I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous.
I’m funnier now because I’m braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.
Who’s elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?
I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with.
This bugs me the worst. That’s when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: “Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?” Like he can’t go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.
You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.