Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.
I was wearing my best Gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians, so yea, I was pretty cool.
I want to go to there.
This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn’t want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that’s permed on top? What’s that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.
It’s like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific.
You have to remember that actors are human beings. Which is hard sometimes because they look so much better than human beings.
When hiring, mix Harvard Nerds with Chicago Improvisers and stir.
It’s no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds.
Never tell a crazy person he’s crazy.
At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.
If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re like Oprah and Gale. Only we’re not denying anything.
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children’s medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.
The same ten minutes that magazines urge me to use for sit-ups and triceps dips, I used for sobbing.
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.
In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, “People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea.”
It’s not vanity, because if you look weird, it will distract from what your trying to do. If you look as good as you can, people will be able to pay attention to what your actually saying.
Al Gore announced Tuesday that he plans to launch a 24-hour cable news network for young adults. Gore claims he’s been wanting to do this since he invented cable TV in the 1990s.
I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did – Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.