Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
Don’t worry, I know almost exactly what I’m doing.
I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.
I know what I think but I don’t know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it’s done right.
I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
He’s a politician. That’s a notch below child molester.
I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I’ve grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
You know, it’s one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what’s going on.
Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.
Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
Taste my tuna casserole – tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
I don’t rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don’t get much input. I don’t know if that’s helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone.
No, I don’t think you’re paranoid. I think you’re the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
Why ruin a good story with the truth?
The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don’t.
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.