I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn’t understand. I actually think that’s part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.
The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.
It’s a great day for America, everybody! It’s Monday, woo.
Ocean’s 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn’t want to see that? Well you, apparantly, ’cause you’re watching me.
I know that’s not the right accent, but I can’t do the right accent. It’s either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.
Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.
If the Fed ceases hiking, against the backdrop of still rising commodity prices, then the Australian dollar will have few reasons for resisting any topside advances.
There’s just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what’s actually, physically, going on.
I don’t like my politicians entertaining me and I don’t like my entertainers politicianing me.
If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you’re bullet-proof.
Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.
Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.
Justin Bieber’s tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.
I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.
Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there’s a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.
I’m careful with money.
If Scotland and America go to war, I’m afraid I’ve already sworn in.
If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I’m out. I’m gone.
I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, ‘Well, you’re supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.’ It’s an appropriate feeling to feel.