All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.
Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
My pilot’s license. I’m proud of that.
The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.
The truth is, you win the Lotto. That’s really how you have to approach it. You’re a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.
I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It’s quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It’s kind of a happy train wreck.
I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I’m a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don’t care for it.
I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they’d have to really suck.
When in doubt about who’s to blame. Blame the English.
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn’t.
I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it.
Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.
Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don’t already know.
114 isn’t as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.
By the power of Steven Wright’s Beard!
I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important.
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.
You know who they’re blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
There’s a commercial break coming and I’m very excited about it and you know why? Because that’s what keeps daddy in suits.