To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.
The truth is, Pavlov’s dog trained Pavlov to ring this bell just before the dog salivated.
Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer.
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes.
You know why we’re good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and already we’ve had ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty years. So we’re good at it!
Sun worship is fairly simple. There’s no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don’t have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
McDonald’s breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you’re screwed because it’s all fixed and rigged. There is a club and you ain’t in it.
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It’s frustrating and it’s time-consuming. God bless phone calls.
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn’t only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you’re burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. it’s only a symbol. It’s only a piece of cloth.
Y’ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed.