Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices.
Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don’t ask me to wear your shoes.
I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone’s eyes out.
An art thief is a man who takes pictures.
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it’s hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
I hope we’re not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.
O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.
And this should go without saying. That’s why I’m going to say it: Drinking and driving don’t mix. Do your drinking early in the morning and get it out of the way. Then go driving while the visibility is still good.
I’ve never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
They mention that it’s a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don’t care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
One of the first things they teach you in Driver’s Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put ‘em at ten o’clock and two o’ clock. Never mind that. I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I’m goin’.
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.