What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, ‘Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.’
It’s not as if ten years ago, we were like, ‘I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.’
That’s my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.
If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?
Other people’s children’s birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.
I don’t want to get involved in the culture war. Religion’s iffy.
I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I’m nothing. Because if you’re Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, ‘He’s got a Latin temper!’ If you’re a white guy and you get angry, people are like, ‘That guy’s a jerk.’
Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I’ve been exposed to at this point. I’m hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I’m making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I’m going.
Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.
Every now and then I’ll read a book, I’ll be so proud of myself, I’ll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, “Hey Jim, how ya do-” “I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!” “That’s great, what was it about?” “No idea! Took me three years!”
I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. “So that’s how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That’s how they trick you into it.”
My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, “Dad Is Fat.” And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.
That’s why when I send a postcard I quiz people. “Hey, did you get that postcard?” “Yeah, yeah yeah.” “Well what’d I say?” “Uh, you were havin-” “I was in jail”
We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was “The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan.” And it was a bit terrifying.
There’s something that’s really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.
How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.