We are going to be raising a generation of mentally impaired people.
What good are images if people understand them?
As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal – in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.
Apparently the only thing worse than a terrorist attack, is a gay man stopping it!
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it’s not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, “Hey, there’s something wrong with this mirror.”
Divorce isn’t caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.
Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
I don’t trust any country that looks around a continent and says, “Hey, I’ll take the frozen part.”
When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, “I won’t have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.”
How do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? The honest answer is this: You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.
As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem – it’s in North Korea.
Get a sense of humor. If you don’t, it’ll be incredibly frustrating.
The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.