A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn’t notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I’m letting him keep it. I’m saving money!
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine...
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
Wives are people who think it’s against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.
Men have better self-images than women. You know what I’ve never seen in a men’s magazine? A makeover.
Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.