My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
Women are more accommodating. If a woman drinks the last glass of apple juice in the refrigerator, she’ll make more apple juice. If a man drinks the last glass of apple juice, he’ll just put back the empty container.
I just don’t get cats. To me, they’re a waste of fur.
I’m not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he’s going to be in the room when there’s a delivery is if there’s a pizza involved.
I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we’re covered. He tells me who’s in the movie and I tell him what’s in his sandwich. Together we’re human bifocals.
Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn’t have to.
Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they’re married to.
Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
All men think that they’re nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she’s wearing a jumpsuit.
Men don’t feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women’s dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Men don’t mature. Marry a younger one.
Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.
If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.
Blondes have more fun, don’t they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?
Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many women find it difficult to look a man directly in the eyes, not because of shyness, but because a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven’t made a mistake.
I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.