I am no fan of books.
Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.
The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.
I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory.
Republicans: the party that brought us ‘Just Say No.’ First as a drug policy, then as their entire platform.
Equations are the devil’s sentences.
Northwestern’s alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that’s just me!
I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a beard, to wear black ‘at’ people. I didn’t just want to play Hamlet, I wanted to be Hamlet.
Life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it could cause people at the opposite end of the globe to watch a Discovery Channel special on butterflies.
In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, ‘Keep your facts, I’m going with the truth.’
The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.
I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?
I wrote things for the school’s newspaper, and – like all teenagers – I dabbled in poetry.
I’m a satirist, so I’ve got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I’m not an assassin.
In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.
If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I’d be broke.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don’t believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.