Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Light travels faster than sound. Isn’t that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, “Do I know you?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as ’4’s??
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.
It is like putting a dehumidifier and a humidifier in the same room and letting them fight it out.
Women. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t shoot ’em.
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates”.
Write from Beyond what you know. From the authority of your senses.” -author of Meditations in Green.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
When i have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?