I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.
It is like putting a dehumidifier and a humidifier in the same room and letting them fight it out.
Women. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t shoot ’em.
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates”.
Write from Beyond what you know. From the authority of your senses.” -author of Meditations in Green.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
When i have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Don’t you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn’t the kind that folds.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn’t investigated. They might find that I don’t really exist – that I’m just a hologram.
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn’t rise.