If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Light travels faster than sound. Isn’t that why people appear bright before you hear them speak?
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, “Do I know you?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as ’4’s??