Let’s face it, it’s only called Scrubs because I’m saving ‘Zach Braff’ for my autobiography.
I can’t watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where’s the substantive news? Where’s the Zach Braff coverage?
Some people just don’t want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I’m famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?
I’m not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they’re so delicious, what’s the harm in it? I don’t know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.
Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn’t they just swim to safety?
You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.
Didn’t we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?
So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It’s like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn’t deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years.
I’m grown ass man and grown ass men can do whatever they want, got it?
My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.
The Jews are just clumsy bakers.
The fact that ‘Scrubs’ is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I’m helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.
Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I’m the one that’s being cheated, because the writer’s strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.
I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I’d say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.
Complete garbage. It’s like Garden State, but in outer space.
I’m 26 years old, and I’ve spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I’m going to try to live my life like that.
So, yeah, I mean, there is something universal about that feeling – that 20-something, what the hell am I going to do with my life, I’m lost and my parents are freaking me out, and what’s the point? Every generation has a way of making that unique, but there are certain universals of that feeling.
It’s hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.
I’m sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it’s all going according to plan and some weeks where you’re super frustrated.