Prohibition didn’t work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.
Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I’d make a pretty good saint.
If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they’re going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.
I really do take more vacations than the president. You can quote me on that.
I’d really like to give back to the world, but everything I’ve achieved, I’ve earned on my own, so what’s the point?
Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I’ve never even released a CD.
Its not that I’m in love with myself, I’m just trying to pick up everyone else’s slack.
People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?
I don’t even like the show that much, I mean, it’s about doctors. It’s not like doctors are as important as actors anyway, I bet I’ve saved more lives with my acting talent then any doctor has.
To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I go through.
I don’t know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.
I’d like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it’s called. And that’s only when I’m having an off day.
I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don’t like Arabs.
Most people just aren’t grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said ‘hello’ to a man the other day, and he didn’t even recognize me. It just really saddens me.
Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They’re probably still hanging there.
Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn’t making it to work on time.
People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he’s so great how come he can’t see? I mean, God doesn’t make mistakes, just look at me for example.
The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way.
Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.
People still make New Year’s resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.