There’s a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong?
I think I suffer from some mild depression.
I don’t think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.
If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind’s competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better.
I can’t say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.
In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs.
Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that’s real power.
If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn’t send me here just once.
Some people just can’t handle that they will never be a better actor than me.
I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging.
I don’t have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?
I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I’m successful.
Yeah, I’ve banged some female costars. I swore I’d never tell their names, so instead I’ll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.
So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don’t see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.
I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.
You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it’s really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn’t comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.
I’m not gay, but I’m still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.
Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that’s where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.
When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
I’m not actually an arrogant guy. It’s just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me.