Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!
I like groaning. That means that you’re not pandering to their already settled prejudices.
People say I’m into black women. Robert De Niro is into black women. I’m just into women who are real, and they happen to be black.
I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing. When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.
Love does not conquer all.
I love Jesus. I just don’t like the Christians who don’t believe in what he says.
I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream – to sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn’t work out, but this is nice, too.
Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
That’s ended, that’s over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I’m a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.
I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.
It’s so childish, greatest country in the world. It’s like saying, I have the best wife in the world. Not just the one best suited for me, the best wife in the world. And if you could have my wife, you’d kill your wife.
The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating – his approval rating – with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.
If you can look at a crime where everything points to one answer and not see it, you’re a dumb-ass. And if you can look at the deficit and not see that the problem is that the rich stopped paying taxes, you’re a Republican.
The Eleventh Commandment: don’t speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn’t it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?
Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami. I mean she said, These Tsunamians will not get away with this. Oh speaking of dumb twats, did you...
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it’s almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.
Why can’t God just defeat the devil and get rid of evil? It’s the same reason the comic book character can’t get rid of his nemesis; then there’s no story.
There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take.
You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
Only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away, or tens of thousands of feet up, to kill people who can’t possibly fight back.