If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.
President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn’t a Nazi, he wouldn’t have any credibility with conservatives at all.
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, ‘Please, I used to pull the same trick. There’d be an intervention, I’d make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.’
When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.
In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!
My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp!
There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage.
It’s all been satirized for your protection.
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
A lot of good has come from drugs. I think ‘Penny Lane’ is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn’t even be born if it weren’t for that album, so it evens out.
Your fuselage shouldn’t open more easily than your pretzel bag.
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
Hi, I’m Bill. I’m a birth survivor.
You can’t claim you’re for peace if you’re not willing to disturb it.
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea.
Why is monotheistic faith better than polytheistic? I mean, either you believe – if you believe in, like, a magic person who can do magic things, why is it different – so different if it’s Superman or the Fantastic Four?
Face the fact that there’s only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.
The “Power of One” is a slogan – not a goal.
Space tourism is God’s way of telling you you aren’t spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.