Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
There are a number of people without whom I could not have written this book, but I hope you don’t hold that against them. They are all fine people, and they had no idea how it would turn out.
Print neatly. That’s the kind of advice that the IRS considers a “dynamite” tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they’re useless.
DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
There’s a test they can do to determine a baby’s gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of Leonardo DiCaprio into the uterus, and if the baby punches it, it’s a boy.
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
Are we ever going to have a federal tax system that regular people can understand?
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security.
On Valentine’s Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays-fear.