Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.
I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor – I’m talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt...
I say the American Medical Association ought to get the hell off the golf course and answer this question...
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off.
Someone was tapping on the window.
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.
He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.
If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, you ran for cover.
Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason he’d gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife.
There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a large fur-covered lump – an old cheese, perhaps, or a dead cat.
The bad news was that the yard contained a dog. A very, very large dog, wide and hairy, like a cross between a rottweiler and a Goodyear blimp.
2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the train without letting anybody off. This is very important. If anybody does get off, it is legal to tackle him and drag him back on.
A short distance away is the Tidal Basin, ringed by cherry trees that every year produce flowers, an event to which Washingtonians react as though it were the Second Coming of Christ.
The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.
Smee! Raise the Ladies!
Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
A secret society within a secret society.
The Mollusks – generous hosts when they weren’t trying to kill you.