Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
We don’t shoot somebody soon, I’m gonna forget how.
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you’re told.
Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics – and a big piece if luck.
He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.
No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
She wanted to cry, but she did not want Peter to see her cry, and she especially did not want Teacher, with her flowing hair, to see her cry.
The other major kind of computer is the “Apple,” which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use.
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge – the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England – is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.
More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging.
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.
I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power ’60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.
Technology is constantly improving our lives. Look at the cellular telephone. Just ten years ago, virtually nobody was able to get into a car crash caused by trying to steer and dial at the same time; today, people do this all the time.