Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content.
Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D’Amato.
If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
Guys care about sports teams. I’m not talking about simply rooting; I’m talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and – regardless of their political or cultural differences – accuse each other of cheating.
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there’s a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.