For Dad, the perfect Father’s Day would be one in which he didn’t even realize that it was Father’s Day, because nobody was making him appreciate gifts he didn’t want, or read greeting cards filled with lame Father’s Day poetry.
San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.
I’m always writing new books so I don’t dwell on the ones I’ve already done. I think that’s a habit from being a newspaper guy because you’re always writing columns and you can’t reflect on the ones you’ve already done.
To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.
You don’t have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.
WARNING: This is assuming your spouse’s name is Margaret.
What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.
Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tenative agreements...
It would be hard to conceive of any activity more useless than stamp collecting.
Winter’s here, and you feel lousy: You’re coughing and sneezing; your muscles ache; your nose is an active mucus volcano. These symptoms – so familiar at this time of year – can mean only one thing: Tiny fanged snails are eating your brain.
If it weren’t for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
The greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison Edison’s first major invention, in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented.
Be advised that there is no parking in Europe.
I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.
Never trust anything you read in a travel article.
The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called “LinkedIn.”
To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.
The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.
I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you’re in the closet if you don’t go around talking about it.