Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Sometimes it looks like I’m dancing, but it’s just that I walked into a spider web.
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I’m in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
A Rubik’s cube is equal to a drag queen. It’s really colorful, but I don’t wanna do it.
Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else.
Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it’s about something else...
Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don’t care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
I’m not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can’t totally blame the dancing bear.
I don’t want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.
To remove all credibility from what you’re saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.
Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.
Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can’t get out of a tempurpedic bed.
It’s Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.