I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can’t I meet a girl with normal parents?
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
I tell ya, it’s tough to save a buck. Right now I’m supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
My son’s an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we’d be in a lot of trouble.
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
I said to a girl I’d been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I’ll show you where it’s at. She said, You’d better, because the last time I could’nt find it.
I am the world’s oldest teenager. I’ve never lost my youthful attitude.
Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy’s cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
You don’t know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I’ll put it this way – I had it out.
I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.