If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them.
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
I went to a garage sale. ‘How much for the garage’ ‘It’s not for sale.’
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
I had my coat hangers spayed.
I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.
I was an only child, eventually.
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
Half the people you know are below average.
I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn’t hear it.
I washed mud off of mud.
I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, “Hey, these records are all blank.”
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
The sky is falling. No, I’m tipping over backwards.
How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.