If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Because I don’t believe everything I read.
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
I’m not naked, I’m in the band.
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Do you have any toy train schedules?
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I’ll throw it at them.
For my sister’s 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
Snakes have no arms. That’s why they don’t wear vests.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Day 1 – Still tired from the move. Day 2 – Everybody talks to me like I’m an idiot.
I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn’t open.