If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I had amnesia once or twice.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I’m leaving.
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
How can there be self-help groups?
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.