I had amnesia once or twice.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I’m leaving.
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
How can there be self-help groups?
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.