I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
If you want milk, don’t sit on a stool in the middle of a field in the hope that a cow will back up to you.