The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
There’s nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory, which states that this has already happened.
There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Don’t Panic.
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.