Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.
Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.
Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
I’d far rather be happy than right any day.