Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Life is more fun if you play games.
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
You're only given a little spark of madness. Don't lose it.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
I never did a day's work in my life, it was all fun.
If it were legal, I'd marry food.
Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?
It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.
90% of the game is half mental.
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
It’s just a ride.
There are no strangers in here, just friends you haven’t met...