The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.
Always do whatever’s next.
Dinosaurs are extinct today because they lacked opposable thumbs and the brainpower to build a space program.
Suit up!
I’ve wrestled with alligators, I’ve tussled with a whale. I done handcuffed lightning and thrown thunder in jail. You know I’m bad. Just last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalized a brick. I’m so mean, I make medicine sick.
Lead your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
I’d rather pick flowers instead of fights.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at them.
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.
Be the Mick Jagger of the Mailroom, the Warren Buffett of Bookkeeping and the Bono of stapler selling
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
It is remarkable how many things you can explode. I’m lucky I have all my fingers.
A father is someone who is proud to see you get your first car, but secretly wishes it had no keys.
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.
Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.
Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.