Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
I need a six month vacation twice a year.
Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
Life is too short to learn German.
Excuses don’t burn calories.
Sweat is just fat crying.
Making excuses burns zero calories per hour.
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Love is being stupid together.
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?